Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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