somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
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THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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