Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
