I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
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The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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