Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
sarcasm needs its own font
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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