we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
