How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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