When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
