Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
