well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
