how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
