I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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