What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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