This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
