I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
