"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
