I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize