Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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