I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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