i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
