can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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