So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
