mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so let's talk penis.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
