do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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