Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
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My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
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I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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