i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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