i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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