He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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