My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
