i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
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If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
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sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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