Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
