Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
