What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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