I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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