i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
