That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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