my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
