What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
