It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I met the friendliest cop last night
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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