ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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