Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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