The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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