Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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