We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
