She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
