Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
