Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize