i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
