in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
