when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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