i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
