Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize