I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
