Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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