Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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