Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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