I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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