Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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