I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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