she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
