just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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