I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
