If that was your dad, he is hot
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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