Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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