Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
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