those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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