Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
