Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
