i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize