I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
