She said her name was "party"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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