just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
