Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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