You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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