carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
