she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
