"it" just moved
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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