If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
