I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
